Four minutes until I can fart!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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