I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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