he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
