Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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