help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
