I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she told me i tasted like america
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just had sex on a roof
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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