hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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