Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
