mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
