When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
