I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
