Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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