Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
