My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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