Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
