the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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