so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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