why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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