I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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