Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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