i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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