are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize