i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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