I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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