it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
