what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
