Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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