apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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