Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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