He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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