I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
