he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
