why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
