I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
