Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
