while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
