stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
