Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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