just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
