Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
