So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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