hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
