I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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