I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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