I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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