he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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