She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize