dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
