I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
