My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
