if you like me you must not know who I am
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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