This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
