So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
