12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
