one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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