Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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