No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
