haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I can text with my tongue
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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