she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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