is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
