I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
