I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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