I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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