my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Couch. On fire.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
