He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
