Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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