He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
