I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I deserve this hangover.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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