If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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