Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
