come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
