her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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