Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
