So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
