oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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