is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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