is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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