Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
