when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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