WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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